Float

I am getting back to my 'floating in air' phase. I had spent last few years in this phase too. Its out of my control and returns to me again and again. I float in a place which disconnects from the present, the surroundings, the sounds, the noises, the people...., I listen coz I have ears, I smile coz its otherwise rude, living coz I am breathing. A dormant mind state and its a lot different from getting high(of course I haven't had that experience yet). I can stand in the midst of a busy crowd walking past me and dedicated to their work. I hear noises like buzzing and I am not interested to hear them at all. A mechanical schedule to keep me going or rather prevent me from falling flat on ground tired and exhausted. I want to lie on plain green grass which isn't wet, hold his hand and sleep on his shoulder. I want to go somewhere else and pity the people around from atop a hot air balloon as if they they are ants. I want a rewind button for a lot of reasons. I smile when I look outside the car window and cry for flimsy causes. The white noise in my head grows and its not possible to describe sometimes what I am thinking. Clothes and shoes don't matter to me.I forget what I wore by the end of the day.Books have taken a secondary place in my life. My back aches without working much. The exertion is placed at a fixed corner of my brain. I named my alarm "dedication" and it gets snoozed 5 times before I wake up.
My arms rub against the tight rope and I think I am loosening the knot now, even if I have to bleed now.